Shane is one of the trainers on Kezia’s team
Here is his unique view on the dreaded “friend zone”
Shane:
I’ve gotta keep this brutally honest and to the point guys……………….The friend zone doesn’t exist. its an imaginary place men made up to cope with rejection.
”Friendship” isn’t a zone, either you are friends or you aren’t. if you aren’t her friend but you’re running around pretending to be and calling it the friend zone you’re just being fake.
Make your intentions known early on and if you to aren’t on the same page, keep it moving….it really is that simple but lets get a little into this.
If and/or when she offers u the contract of being her friend u tell her that u cant be friends with a woman u might possbily be interested in, and that you can be cool, or you can hang out; however you wanna put it instead. If u see urself as her ‘good friend’ and act like it, then thats the results u will get and u will be viewed as a penisless dude. Dont lie to her, but even more importantly dont lie to yourself. Your not that guy to listen to her problems and hear her nonsense about other guys doing the deed…your attracted to her right? you wanna connect with her right? you wanna sleep with her right? thats what i thought…..and she needs to recognise that mate. Being a playful, cocky flirt is one good way to convey your not that dude to talk about other guys to…being this way keeps her occupied mentally, she hasnt go time to talk about other guys because she’s too busy trying to sus you out…keep her mentally busy…Be THE guy she chats to HER friends about;-))
The friendzone in itself can seem like quicksand. It causes u to sink deeper and deeper the more u try to escape. The friend zone in itself is actually a verbal contract and a state of mind. A woman will put u in the friend zone if u dont declare ur interest in her or if you dont as they would say in sales ”close the deal”, then she will start calling u her ”friend” and ”buddy” and start telling u about other guys. BUT this contract is only as valid as a singnature on a real contract that u sign. She only wants to see where YOUR heart and mentality is because lets keep it real… shes not looking for more friends…Im sure she has PLENTY of girlfriends…and some. she may just be looking to have a subconconscious power trip over u, and power as u know is an addicting drug…beware!
…BUT the friendzone only exist if u accept it and until she acts right u just keep her on the back burner and focus on your life; whether it be business, work, family, art, or whatever your interested in. After all, you had a life before her and will have one with or without her. The irony is, by being this way inclined, your naturally more attractive in her eyes anyway. But your not doing this to be attractive, your doing this because having a fulfilling life in however way you see fit is the natural and normal thing for anyone to do. DO NOTT CATER…trust yourself and she will choose correctly…
Now If you really wanna see her whole vibe change… start talking to HER about other women in an unapologetic way. (treat her like a friend). If you can also start calling her babe, sexy and baby when ever she calls u. This will play with her subconcious on a level u wouldnt believe. Just sprinkle it in…dont over do it…say it once in a while and change the subject.
At the same time you can only can be put in the friend zone and remain in this zone if you don’t act. To me there’s a barrier that needs to be broken when first talking to a women. There are ways to break the barrier through conversation and physicality. You HAVE to talk to her like your not trying to be her friend. (Flirting, sexual inuendo, playful, cheekiness ets) When you get the chance you have to break that physical ice and make the right moves. NO MORE idle chatter and loitering. Your NOT her female friend. These are things we’ve all done in the past. In reality, who’s really go the time for all that? Know that Idle chatter and loitering are both smooth paths to the friend zone.
Understand that a women doesnt want a male friend if shes attracted you..if shes attracted, she wants to date u..she wants to be with you in all the ways you want her to…she wants to be with you in all the ways you want her to…For all that dont know wWhen your putting it down in the bedroom i sincerely hop shes the most vocal!! because women truely enjoy it more….If she wants to ”chill” with you or ”hangout ” as they say…and shes attracted theres ALWAYS a possibility in a womens mind one thing can lead to another…but you have to be bold with your intentions and your actions and go for it.
If you get caught in the zone start meeting and dating other women…the less women you have in your life the more value you will put on them and their interactions. If you stay social you will naturally radiate an aura of independance and non neediness that women naturally find attractive…If a man is not readilly availble she WILL feel the effects of not having him around all the time and it will hurt her mentally.
Start hanging out with other women….start talking about it…start trying new things…..start exploring
The problem a lot of guys are having these days is that they are operating out of an unrealistic philosophy of a man’s role in a woman’s life. We gott the media, and a lot of random softees all over the place telling men they need to be nourishing listeners who can also make a female giggle with a cute joke here and there.
That is NOT the role of a man to a woman. That’s more of the role of a female’s emotional sponge, girlfriend or her gay friend. Some guys go shopping with women, give them gentle massages, have six hour long gossip sessions, fix them all sorts of meals, and all other kinds of things without the women earning them…and with no form of sexual escalation!… while sitting back and wondering how that other guy who isnt doing up to half of these things, or as much for her at all keeps opening pandoras box like he created it..
A lot of men have been taught some awful nonsense that their role is to ‘please a woman.’ NO, a man’s role in my opinion, is to be that strong presence that holds things together and can see the ship he is captaining through stormy weather. A man sets down principles and direction, and stands on it whether she likes it or not. If she doesn’t like it, she can break out and find a man who is more ”agreeable” to her. It ain’t up to you to chase and please a female into being with you. It’s a woman’s job to choose up. You’re not here to be her friend, you’re here to be her MAN. Society tells you to mix the roles, which produces some weird diluted version, but most womens’ natural instincts pushes them away from that diluted concoction and towards that more raw, uncut masculinity.
Women are always talking about how they want a man that can share his weaknesses with her, can cry on her shoulder, he can rub his nipples because its kinky to her…ets etc etc then men end up surprised when that womens begins singing ”nice guy-sweet guy” chronicles to her friends when talking about you. It isnt about ‘what a woman likes,’ like I said before. It’s about you putting it down like a man, this is what she responds to.
But being a man sure isn’t easy. Manhood has been diluted these days. That’s why so much sweetness or less manly vibes circulate the atmosphere and guys are acting like females… And that’s why they are having so many problems with the ladies. Being a male doesn’t automatically make you a man. It’s the trials you go through, circumstances that you overcome, the philosophy you hold within and ultimately the actions that come from that philosophy that makes you a man. Be who your supposed to be and dont apologise for it. you will never look back afterwards.
And remember through all of this:
Be cool theyre just women
Be playful…its just a game
Keep learning and keep evolving,
Shane
For more info about Shane or any of the other trainers on the team, check out the team page now.
