Being interesting (part 2) BY MARK J

Posted on January 05, 2011 0

Ok guys, time for Part 2 of my first blog “Being Interesting”.
Last time we looked at why hobbies, reading and extending your social network are vital parts of developing an interesting and vibrant lifestyle. So now you’re all wide-readers, hobbyists and experts on a wide variety of subjects, you may be asking, “How is any of this useful in an interaction?”
Well, that is what today’s blog is all about.
I relate it more to day-game, as that’s what I specialize in, but it can be used at any time.
I’ll start with an example, it is a simple illustration of how a tiny piece of information can elevate an interaction beyond expectations:

I was instructing a student in HMV on Oxford Street. Indirect openers, contextual transitions, short mid-game, connected close. A very simple yet effective structure)
There are 3 main point of contention with most students:
Opening (approach anxiety),
Transitioning (staying too long on the opener) and
Flaky closes (no connection made).

In this instance the student could open well, transition well, but when it came to closing, there was a big sticking point. He closed a few, but to be honest, they were likely flakes.
Why? Because he was relying on the pressure women feel in this situation after a pleasant conversation to surrender their number, rather than a solid connection leading to a specific Day 2.

So, I gave him 30 seconds of information about a street artist called Banksy. (I’m sure you all know about him). Why was this a particularly good example? Firstly, it’s art. Nobody wants to admit they don’t like art, it makes us sound like an uncultured philistine. Secondly, most people have heard of him, and if they haven’t all the better. Thirdly, he has a book and DVD out in the shop we were in. Finally, he (at the time) had a secret-ish exhibition in a tunnel in Waterloo. Armed with this very simple bit of pop-culture knowledge, he now had one way to contextually transition using something off the cuff in his environment, and then link it to a Day 2 or instant date with knowledge of his City (read Timeout , etc). He solidly closed 3 in the next 30 minutes.

Can you see where I’m going with this?
What if you could do that with every subject? Places like Waterstone,(major book store in UK) HMV (major music store in UK) are great practice for this, because every inch of them has context given to you. Is she in the Self Help section? Crime section? Etc. Find the transitions in the why’s and wherefore’s behind each section.
Why do people watch horror films? Why comedy? Why romance?

Given that in this kind of environment (bookshops, entertainment stores, etc) there is transition-material ALL OVER THE WALLS, you have no excuse to not be able to link something you can see to something the two of you can do together.

Ok, so in a nutshell, what does this mean in terms of what you guys should be doing?

Make sure you have a wide knowledge of things to do where you live. Timeout is the best resource for this, and a plethora of websites. If the conversation gets on to music, know a cool venue. Is she into art? A secret underground exhibition in Hoxton. Food? An amazing unique restaurant. Sport? Theatre? Film? Etc etc etc.
Think how much you can do if you can transition from everything you can see in front of you, and then smoothly link it to a close!!! Then when you’re on the street, with no help, all that experience will allow you CREATE context in any situation.

Ok, well that’s the end of my first 2-part blog. Hope you guys enjoyed it. Next time I’ll be going into much more specific detail about opening and transitioning in these types of environments. We’ll be talking about delivering your openers naturally and going deep into contextual transitions.

See you guys in the field.

Mark J

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