This happened some time ago..
Before sending him on an approach, I remind him of the three vital elements of pick up which I would have already taught him in the theory session (a blog post for another time.) After helping him locate his target, I find my position to make sure I can not only see him but hear him too, and off he goes, beaming with high energy, high status value and a general positive frame of mind.
This is a typical scenario in Waterstones bookstore, a particular store which is very large (7 floors) and where a surprisingly large amount of females seem to go to in the late afternoon.
The Student goes in to open an HB 7, who is casually browsing the “self help” section (excellent start)
Student: “Hey, I was wondering if you could recommend me a good self help book, preferably one that says “money back guarantee” on the front cover.”
Girl turns around; initially a little startled but then relaxes in to a confident smile.
HB 7: “Sure, this one is meant to be very good,” she holds up some manual about self-help.
HB 7: “Personally I’m getting this other one because I recently started a new job, and well, I guess I thought it might help”
Student begins to relax too much WRONG!
Student cant believe his luck WRONG!
Student begins to ask closed questions WRONG!
Student: “Oh really? What job is that?”
HB 7: “Well I’m a P.A- I’m working for a complete arse hole, but hey, it’s a good salary so I guess it’s worth it!”
She hands him book
HB 7: “Anyway, this ones pretty good, I’m not sure if its money back guarantee though, ha-ha”
Student laughs too WRONG!
Sudent: “Oh thanks, this looks really good. So. You’re working for an arse hole, that must be tough”
HB 7:“yes it is, but I’m used to that, all my bosses have been either arse holes or worse. Ha-ha”
Students laughs with her again WRONG!
At this point I note that the Student has not even really looked at the book she had chosen for him, he is just dangling the book in his hand as she continues to dominate the conversation, and he in turn goes more and more back to all his old habits pre- theory.
Usually what happens next is one of 2 things. Either he does not ask for her number. Or if he does she says no.
She then goes back to looking for a book about getting one over her arse hole boss (that she probably fancies), and he goes off with a book he doesn’t want which he discretely dumps in a another section out of her view.
Let’s now look at the following to help work out how this could have been handled well.
Whats going on in an alpha females mind
Whats going on in his mind
What two mistakes most men make
What he should have done
What’s Going On In An Alpha Female’s Mind
This girl prides her self in being an alpha female. She wakes up in the morning believing she has a high powered job, she looks in the mirror and says; “Hell yeah!” She’s probably quite good looking, she also knows men want something she has, but, at the same time she values herself as being out going and friendly and feels it is unnecessary to be a complete bitch if a man approaches her.
In other words she would rather the man temporarily fall in love with her before saying a polite “Fuck off” rather than straight out “Fuck off”.
So when my student came over to talk to her, what she saw was yet another confident guy making a move on her. She automatically went in to an over confident, helpful and friendly state of mind, knowing fall well this will allow her to dominate the conversation, and enable her to take it where she wants it to go, and end it when she wants to end it, thus confirming her status as an alpha female.
What’s Going On In His Mind
To begin with, he approaches a girl – half expecting her to be a little shy or on her guard, but thanks to theory he has been taught how to counter act these obstacles.
So there he is, and much to his disbelief he has encountered a “friendly” and “out going” women, she must like him because she’s talking so much! She’s talking about her job, her boss and she’s even bending over backwards to help him find her a book, only a few more hours before she’s bending over backwards in his bed.
He’s thinking this is great; now its time to number close here goes! Either that or he will be thinking How can I ask her for her number, he might have the following going on in his mind. I feel awkward, I can’t seem to get the conversation to move to that level and casually just ask. (Well what do you expect? She’s dominated the conversation exactly to where she wants, not where you want!)
Two Mistakes Most Men Make
Most men will do the above, but sometimes you might get some who try to be funnier than her, louder than her, and it’s not that she will not like it, but they might become the dreaded “male friend” potential rather than the lover potential.
Remember – she wants to meet her match, not her male equivalent!
What He Should Have Done!
Now he is aware of how this type of alpha female operates, he should automatically also be aware of the false sense of security she is creating.
This woman is used to men hanging on her very word, she is after all witty, attractive and generally good fun. She’s also used to compliments, praise and being centre of attention too.
However, what she is subconsciously searching for is the man who comes along and challenges her, the man who is not so easily impressed, and the man who expects more from his future conquests. He is the man who is used to hundreds of these type of woman, and wants more than what they appear to offer.
Ok, so back on to what he should have done. Scenario so far, he has made a request of finding a self-help book.
She goes on as before to speak about her new job. Note the fact that she is in a “self help” section, obviously not the strong stable alpha woman she makes out to be.
This is called reading the situation in detail! (You can tell a lot from what books people read)
Now what his response should have been is this:
Student: “Well in that case, I chose the right person to find me the right book – so lets see your suggestions”
This also makes the opener more genuine as well as giving her a task to perform. Note the s and the end of suggestion.
When she hands the book to him, he should examine the book properly, take his time and look through and then tell her she failed her task.
Student:” This book is not suitable, there’s no money guarantee and it doesn’t really cover what I want”.
This will make her ask HIM a question-something she did not do in the first scenario.
Her response will probably be
HB 7: “oh…Ok, so what sort of self help book are you looking for?”
He should say
Student: “Well, its more a case that I’m looking for something that challenges my current beliefs, I think its important to be open minded”
This of course is an open statement, and will give her room to either ask him more questions or agree with him. After all, who doesn’t want to be seen as open-minded? As she continues diligently to fulfil her task, he can then casually ask her about her job that she mentioned before; except this time it’s on HIS terms and he has the lead in the conversation. She would have by now from those simple alternative statements be more aware that he has high expectations but most importantly she’s not dominating the conversation as she did in the scenario before.
It’s always vital to remain in control and in high status when doing pick up, no matter how easy it might appear for you to let her take the lead. He should find it easier to take it to the number close section, and if he is able to continue the high status role plus the other 2 vital elements of pickup (another blog for another time) she should only be too willing to give her number to the one who matched her… and more!
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