The power of personal amusement
Now let us imagine that pick up was a medieval court. At the top you have the alphas of the court, which, in this case would be, the dukes, the princes and, of course, the King.
Lower down the ranks and roles of the court, you will find the musicians, the servants, and of course everybody’s favourite; the jester.
The jester makes the audience laugh; he entertains them by being the buffoon, and essentially bowing to their every whim.
Sounds like a popular and loveable fellow on paper, but in reality, a very lonely one. The problem with the jester is when he has finished his routine and the audience begin to feast on the royal banquet, he is not invited to join the table, and even if he had a table to himself, no one would even contemplate joining him.
Why is he treated like this? A number of reasons – the main one being that whilst he amuses the court, he fails to amuse himself.
Thus he is presented as an object that is at the mercy of other people.
They instantly lose all respect for this character.
A lot of my students come to me and tell me “how funny they are” and “how they can make a whole group of beautiful woman laugh for the entire evening.” But at the end of that evening something strange seems to happen, the woman either go back home with someone else or they give a “flaky” number. Why is this?
Simple
Here is the $64,000 question answered.
What do women want?
The answer is
Strength
Humour. Good looks. Intelligence. These three points are not as important as inner strength (this point is a whole, and very long blog, which I will write soon)
So what the student in question is displaying whilst entertaining a group of giggling woman is essentially weakness. The need to make others happy simply in order to be liked, is the same as what the jester does in a medieval court,
NOW HOLD ON A MINUTE!
I here you shout from behind your screens.
I KNOW PLENTY OF FUNNY GUYS WHO MAKE EVERYONE LAUGH AND WHO ALSO GET THE PICK OF THE BEST GIRLS AT THE END OF THE NIGHT
Well I do too! The only difference those men are not playing a jester! They act as a king or a prince who amuses himself first and his audience second.
I had a male friend who was not only a babe magnet, but who was considered by men and woman alike to be “hilarious” and I agree he is one of the funniest people I have ever met.
I recently asked him what his secret was, how his particular sense of humour seemed to make nearly everyone laugh. He took a moment to think about this and said;
“Because I’m amusing myself”
I was intrigued,
He went on to say
“I have never and will never make another person laugh if I myself do not find it funny. Why on earth would I say something to keep another person entertained,? I’m not a clown on a stage”
I pressed on; I asked him how he felt when the occasional person did not laugh? He answered
“Then they don’t get my humour, and will remain out in the cold, bewildered”
His arrogance, I felt, was part of the humour, and the shocked look on my face to his response made not one bit of difference to him; thus answering my question perfectly.
He would not compromise his answer to me to make me happy; as he would never compromise his own sense of humour to keep others happy either!
Personal amusement is, rightly or wrongly, a superior quality to have. The person you might be having a conversation with is never quite sure if the joke is on them or not, but will decide 90% of the time to laugh with you rather than risk being the focus of the joke in question.
So long as you are never dependant on whether they laugh or not then you will always be able to keep the superior role in the interaction.
People always want to be in on a joke; they never want to be the one left standing on the outside trying to peer in.
I teach my students, not to be the jester, but to be the King! Who, whilst he still entertains his courtiers; is also letting them know;
“This is my world, wouldn’t you love to be part of it?”
He knows his greatness; he knows his strength. And if someone cannot understand or doesn’t “get it” then they are the ones who will look like the fool that needs to catch up to be on the same level as he is.
Remember, if you are happy being the entertainer, if that is what you believe to be your strong point then by all means go ahead. But remember,personal if you place a group of people; as the judges of your routines; then a judge they will be, and they will become your masters.
You must be the entertainer who when he finishes his performance, everyone wants him to join them at their table, or even better, they long to sit at his.
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Where you can work with Kezia and the rest of the team!
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February 7th, 2010 at 4:02 pm
Great article
February 7th, 2010 at 4:23 pm
I love this post. It totally defines what it really means to live your own reality without any supplication.
A classic example of the feeble jester to avoid ever becoming is the Chandler Bing character in Friends.
February 7th, 2010 at 11:06 pm
Very True points Kezia, being true to one’s self respect is very important. Your friend’s arrogance was justified in my opinion cause he was being true to his authentic self and was not ready to sell himself out at any price to anyone which you so clearly and intuitively found him to be and described him so accurately. You have made many great points in this blog that directs your male audience to focus inwards and become more familiar and grounded with themselves….These are the true traits of an “alpha male” and the message you are sending out…..when applied….strengthens the level of confidence in their psyche. Approval seeking is a trait of the “Nice Guy” who almost always looses the girl, it stems from his insecurities inside and it shows a great weakness of character as you so importantly explained and I could not agree with it more.
The way I see it, most of the teachings in the community is based on the instructor’s own personal experiences and has been formulated in a group of outer self techniques that although it helps the newbies break through some barriers, it is based on approval seeking and leaves the students with still a low self esteem and self confidence. Some of these instructors have tabbed into teaching inner-game as well but that is even seems to be formulated too. Now, I’m not saying that there are no good instructors out there, not by all means, but to teach a true inner-game, one needs to have knowledge, skills and most important of all a strong intuition in understanding what a true authentic natural inner game is and how to teach it most effectively. This is one of the areas amongst many where I believe Kezia understands it the most and has the ability to teach it in the most effective way. And this is ONE of the areas amongst many where Kezia rises above other instructors in the community in my eyes.
The power of personal amusement comes from strong confidence within inner-self or inner-game as you may call it. Now,You may ask who would be better to turn to for help in understanding this than Kezia? It would be Kezia herself…..and that’s what I believe.
February 13th, 2010 at 1:13 am
Hey Kezia,
You have a sexy mind…if not a little dorky.
December 27th, 2010 at 5:56 pm
Wow. This website is awesome. How can I make it look like this !